I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
