So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
