Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
