Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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