Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
