Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
