butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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