I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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