Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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