just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
