Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
