You're so nebulous sometimes
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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