god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
