that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
