mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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