so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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