They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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