Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
