there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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