I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
