it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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