You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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