If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
