I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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