I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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