Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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