even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
