highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
