the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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