meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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