ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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