the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
