Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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