why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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