this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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