Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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