I didn't shave. On purpose
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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