You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
