Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
