Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
