In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
