i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
