So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
