I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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