My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
