is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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