Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize