first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
