i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
someone owes me an orgasm
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize