I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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