I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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