I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dick very happy bro
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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