cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
