I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
