Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
