Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
