woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
