Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
