my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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