What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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