I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
