i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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