I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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