all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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